Thursday, May 8, 2008
Kicking back with my Corona
So the moral to my story is Corona is the perfect fix all for everything! I feel better after a few Coronas and so do my plants! These are gonna be some kick ass squash and cucumbers that's for sure! Gonna give them a little Corona every other day I will keep you posted! And if your lucky I will send you guys all some LOL!!!!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
What the hell to do?
I have a new task at hand, my mother has decided she is going to be Queen of the universe and abolish all political parties and government. I am going to be the Secretary of Defense, which I must humbly admit I would be perfect at! So now all I need to do is make her a blog spot and we can get her elected and take over! I love it, between that and the church thing we should really have it going on!
Nothing really exciting happening today other then it it's Mickey's Birthday today and I am sad I could not be down in southern California with her to celebrate with all that bud lite she likes! But HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICKEY I am thinking of you always.
Went out to dinner tonight and have decided I like Pino Grigio wine. Now I just need a case or 2 and everything will be fine in my world!
Send me your damn drink recipes so i can get lasfals up and running!
Love you all
Cindy
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Me and the Lawn Mower
I just used the weed whacker a few days ago and I go out side and try to pull start the thing. I must have pulled it 10 times, nothing, it won't start and I am all ready out of breath from trying it. So I think to myself, because no one is here, I am going to get out the ride on lawn mower, that's a great idea, I can ride around on the lawn mower and drink a beer. Perfect, so I make my way up the the barn. I have to get the barn door open which is like 100 feet tall. Everything is a 100 feet tall when your 5 foot 2. The damn door must weigh 800 pounds. You have to push this door up with all your strength and hope that it stays up. So here I am, remember I am all ready exhausted from the attempt to pull start the weed whacker. And for your information I have yet to have a beer. So I push this door up 6 times, every time the damn thing keeps falling back down. hey I got it I will tie it off with this little tiny rope and find something to stick under it and hold it up. The sweat is now pouring down my face and I am getting seriously pissed off. Tie it to what? Shit that wont work so down goes the door again while I attempt to find something, anything to hold the door open with. What the hell do i have to go through just to simply mow down some damn weeds. So i find a shelving bracket and I mean a LARGE bracket this thing is easily 10 feet long or 12 feet, remember I am 5 foot 2 on a very good day. With metal bracket, weight of 50 pounds, in hand I go back to the barn roll up door. I have 50 pounds of metal in one hand and 1 hand to shove the 800 pound door up with. So I get under the door and shove with 1 hand it goes up like 1 foot. There is no way in hell I can get this damn piece of metal under it so down goes the door. by now I have freaking out and talking to myself. "all i want to do is mow the damn weeds". So I go and find a broom, at least it is shorter then I am so I can make that work. I get the door propped open. I find the key to the ride on mower and look at the gas, oh well it could use some gas. So I search all over the place and finally find the gas can. I proceed to put gas in the thing to only find out that my hubby didn't screw the top on all the way. Of course now I have spilled gas all over the floor. "F!@%k this stupid POS lawn mower crap" is now spilling out of my mouth. Now I am worried the damn thing is going to start a fire if I try to start it inside the barn. So I decide that it is far safer and better for me to push this thing out of the barn and start it outside. Remember I am sweating my ass off and cursing like a sailor by now and talking to myself. I push and push the damn thing won't move, it must be in gear right? No it was in neutral!! "Damn it what does it take to mow the weeds" I am again talking to myself. Finally get the stupid thing out the door. Put the key in and try and start it! Oh hell no, the thing has a dead battery. Now I am seriously pissed off, like I wasn't before? LOL! Where the hell is the stupid battery charger thing I need. I find it, great now I need a damn extension cord to power it. Oh no not 1 cord I need freaking 3 damn cords to reach. Okay got it plugged in now I hook it up to the battery and look at this POS (piece of shit for those of you who don't know that) what the hell is Super Charge, Off and Charge. Well I figure out off, obviously, but remember I am on a mission and want to mow the weeds so "Super Charge" is what I pick. Call the hubby and tell him he says "NO NO not the Super Charge"! Okay it's on charge. Let it sit for a hour or two. By now I am so pissed off that I say "DAMN IT SOMETHING IS GETTING MOWED IF IT KILLS ME". I drag the gas can down to the push lawn mower and fill it up, proceeding to spill gas all over the place because now I have lost my damn glasses. Whatever something is getting mowed! 2 pulls it starts! Thank god I can mow! Ah my glasses, so off I go with the damn walk behind mower. I can tell you this much "I HATE MOWING THE WEEDS"!
Finally my son gets home and by now I am fully winded and exhausted! I have walked and walked and walked pushing this damn mower through the weeds that are up to my thighs and it keeps stalling because the weeds are so damn thick. I ask my son what the hell is wrong with the stupid ride on lawn mower? he says something totally stupid like "Mom why don't we just jump start it with the car"! DAMN IT why didn't I think of that. Of course the little shit gets it started right away. So off on the lawn mower he goes. Mows about 2 feet and is done. So i am gonna ride it now, screw that I need to get some weeds mowed. Still have not had my beer at this point! So off I go and ride all over the place in weeds taller then me. I make paths all over and think i am doing a fantastic job! It's starting to get dark outside and I need to go to the grocery store AGAIN! I come in the house and think I better change my clothes I got a bit dirty mowing the weeds. I walk toward my sons room and tell him let's go get some food at the store. "Mom what the hell is all over your face"? I look at him like he is from another planet. "What the hell are you talking about"? Kids what the hell do they know anyways. So off to the bathroom I go to take a look. My face is completely brown from dirt and the only clean spot is where my glasses where on my face! I should have gone to the store like that! So then I tell my good friend Laura last night the story about my face and she just starts busting up and says could you imagine if you did go to the store like that. someone would say excuse me you have something on your face! Where, I would say? Everywhere but where your glasses were! LOL So the moral to this little story I have figured out --- Have your damn beer first and that way you wont give a shit! And leave the mowing to the hubby! By the way I kinda ran 2 days together here!
Stupid lawn mowers!
P.S. Still working on the recipes for LASFALS! Gonna figure out how to make cheap good booze!
Friday, April 25, 2008
For those of you have not seen this!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Working On The New Site
I am off to the grocery store, can you say "how much will it be this time"? I am betting 200.00. I will let you know when I get back. In the mean time I almost forgot to post the fact that Live A Stress Free Alcoholic Life Style got a new name and a blog. LASFALS is the new name and the address is lasfals.blogspot.com go check it out and add your comments so we can get everyones ideas on a stress free life!!!
Talk soon!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
A True City Girl Tells A Story
Annette - is your hubby home yet?
Me- no and looks like he will be gone for even longer
Annette - I think your bored and lonely "we need a girls night out"
Annette - "OK I ADMIT IT, I'M WEAK AND I NEED A NIGHT OUT!! DRAG IT OUT OF ME ALREADY!!"
Me - notice I didn't even have time to say GREAT IDEA... LOL but I finally got to say Great Idea
I was just laughing to myself thinking wow she needs a stress free life like me! Great a new friend would be nice, so we made plans to go out on Friday Night.
we met for dinner and had our kids and sent them packing, I mean if you plan on going to bars up and down main street you might as well walk right! That way we aren't drinking and driving so we were smart that way. We dropped into this little hole in the wall, I had corona she had tequila. We had a couple of drinks and talked and got to know each other. Come to find out we have a lot in common. It was a good evening, so we decided to go to the next bar. I had Corona she had more tequila! Remember that's her drink of choice and she's the one who told me your clothes fall off. I was asking her about that because I was worried maybe I should watch her so they didn't just fall off - LOL - she claims it is a song (sure it is!!! LOL). I had beer only because I am still fighting this stupid cold. So her hubby is coming to pick us up which is perfect beacuse we had been drinking, anyway I start to tell them about a story that happened to us when we first moved up here. So I thought I would share it with you.
I have always been a valley girl, born and raised is Southern California. Had my children in Southern California and my hubby is from Southern California. So we moved up to Northern California on 10 acres. Now we are city folks, rush rush rush. Need everything now. So took a little time to get adjusted for sure. Anyway one weekend our very good friend Rob comes up to visit. By Visit I mean he comes up to party and work his ass off helping us get the property in order. You know there is a lot of shit to do when you have 10 acres to care for. We had to remove about 40 trees to put our house in so we had a massive pile of trees that needed to be cut up and made into firewood. Now let me set the stage for you shall I. Raining out side so everything is muddy and slippery and just plain crappy outside. Kenny (my hubby) and Rob have a few beers - and when I say a few I mean A TON! I must have had a couple (maybe 1 or 5). They are out side in this horrible gloomy weather with chain saws - that sounds scary, a tractor, and of course their beer. So they are moving this stump down the hill, pulling it with the tractor to this spot we call the stump grave yard. I mean what are you going to do with 40 stumps. We have a lot of deer up here and they run around all day and night. So the deer are coming by and see Kenny and Rob and the tractor. One gets a little close and gets spooked, a little guy, Well the poor little deer jumps and by a freak accident breaks his leg. Now I am in the house at my computer I am sure because I am always at the damn computer. Kenny runs in the house out of breath and tells me Cindy you have to come here a Deer broke it's leg it's a baby what should I do? So I run out of the house to see the deer almost falling on my ass due to the slippery mud - had nothing to do with the beer! So I see this deer I am freaking out. I Know, I am gonna call the Deer Rescue People. So I run into the house and grab the phone. I dial 411 - Can I have the number to the Deer Rescue in Placerville. The operator says excuse me? There is no deer rescue how about the animal shelter. I say OK because I know they will have the number to the Deer Rescue. Well it's a Sunday and it isn't open but they have a number you can call so I call it -you know for emergencies. Now picture this in my mind I am thinking that the deer rescue is going to come out with the deer ambulance get this little deer and put him or her on a stretcher take it away and put a cast on it's leg. What the hell do I know about deer anyway. So I call the number it is the Sheriff so I have them come out. They must know how to get to the deer rescue, right? Well here they come walking up with their guns. I am like What The F***!! They proceed to tell us that they have to shoot the deer. I am saying are you kidding me I don't want that I want you to send the Deer Rescue people. They try and explain there is no such place, but I know they are just saying that because they are really hunters. So I tell them no you can't just leave the poor thing alone. They also inform us at this time that we can shoot the deer because it is our property and that it is fine. So we send them away I am just sick at the thought that they want to shoot this poor animal and not put a damn cast on it's leg. So this deer is falling all over the place and it's mother is right by its side. I am heart broken about this and want to blame Kenny and Rob - of course it must be their fault right? So I go in the house, hoping it will all just somehow go away and I will see the little guy limping around for the rest of his life. So Kenny and Rob come into the house - they come in as a team - I am sure they were more worried about what I was going to do to them then that damn deer. They explain to me this deer is suffering and we really need to shoot it. So I break down and say okay we have to do what we have to do. So We all go out there Kenny with his stupid little pistol and Rob right behind him and me standing at the top of the hill yelling you better not miss because I will kill you. Anyway Kenny says he has to get close so he won't miss. But the mother is right there and now Kenny is saying shit I can't shoot this deer especially not in front of it's mother. So he can't bring himself to do it, and I tell him, no problem that's a good thing because tomorrow is Monday and I can find the Deer Rescue place. The next morning the poor thing was dead and we barried it. And we realized at that moment we were NOT country folks by any means.
Okay so here is what I learned from the whole experience! THERE IS NO DAMN DEER RESCUE! We should have shot the damn thing and kept the meat especially when I just had to spend 134.00 on groceries for NOTHING the other day. And City folks probably have no right to move to the country without lessons and classes! And even more beer can make it seem OKAY!
Next I can tell you about the damn day and the lawn mower!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
My Son's Drumline
Thank God It's Thursday!!!!!
So let me tell you a little bit about what's going on with me, other then the stupid business, we can talk about that later! So my hubby is out of town, he works in the movie industry. Right now as we speak he is working with Johnny Depp. How I wish I was there. I love that guy! He's hot! And from so many women I have talked to they love him to. I have to fight off a bunch of them I can see. My husbands funny, usually he tells me - oh he is a jerk or Oh he beats his dog or Oh he hates kids, when ever I say so and so is hot! You know what I mean. Anyway to top of the fact that I am not there, he has to tell me Johnny Depp is a really down to earth nice guy. So now just shoot me please. I could be on location visiting my husband (lol yeah like that's why I would go) but no I am sitting here ranting on my blog. What's wrong with this picture. I need to get the hell out of here and go visit don't you think? enough about that whole thing makes me sad I am not there!
Better subject so I was talking with another set of friends today and discussing the whole we need to make money and the economy and how I have come up with the master plan on a stress free life! i have figured out away for everyone to become stress free and it really doesn't take to much energy or time. I think I am on to something here and could prove to be profitable at the same time. well profitable in the fact that I won't need to spend any money, so profitable. And you to can achieve this stress free life by doing what I am certain will catch on soon! you guessed it I am back on the "Live a Stress Free Alcoholic Life Style. Let's just call it LSFALS from now on.... So I was talking to my good friend Phyllis today and told her my idea. Which she thought was a fantastic idea! She to is stressed just like the rest of us. As we were exchanging drink recipes for the LSFALS cause she told me how she built a home made stile when she was a kid. I thought to myself this is perfect. Why do you ask? Simple now I have a way to make my booze for cheap!!!!!!! Brilliant and I figured you would like to know as well.... So she told me they took a 5 pound coffee can put a tube in it and potatoes and boiled it over a flame. Now I am sure there is more to it then that, but we're on the right track I think. She said what they got out of it tasted like shit but....LOL so I said great you got vodka. I am going to look up stile making on the web and I will let you know. In the mean time here are our ideas for you to lead LSFALS!
Our Drinks To A Stress Free Life..... (idea's from friends passed on to new friends)
Cindy - Okay rum and diet coke still watching the calories, but I have a great recipe for Pain Killers and they come in different degree's. Considering my stress level I think I need a number 4 which means: 4 parts rum, some ice, and you just wave the guava and pineapple juice over the glass and call it done. Top that off with a few Advil and your good to go.
Phyllis - Martini's she definitely loves martini's - vodka Martini's - i wonder if it has anything to do with the potatoes she tried to make booze out of. LOL And hey if that doesn't work for you just do what we did, bring over 1 bottle of wine and proceed to open another 6 and drink them all between 3 people, through in a pizza or two and your good to go - Trust me it works we have done it!
Laura - my favorite drink is Kettle, Soda, Lemon, however, if you do a couple of shots of Sambuca that always helps! and lately I have begun drinking Proseca (italian sparkling wine but not champagne) in the morning on Sunday's just to start the day off well... yikes! - Me thinks she has a problem LOL
Mickey - The girl is still stuck on Bud Lite.. Her answer to everything is a tall can. Every time she calls she says blah blah is pissing me off I just cracked a tall can.... I think she has an addiction to Bud Lite or everything pisses her off???????? LOL
Jacklyn - Straight shots of tequila, and I mean lots of them. She has assured me that if I feel the littlest amount of stress I can do a few shots and everything will be okay.
Annette - Patron, another tequila answer, however I have been informed by her that you need be careful of this as it can cause your clothes to fall off apparently for no good reason.
Sandy - Pomegranate Martini, the pomegranate juice is high in antioxidents so it cleanses your body giving the vodka more room in your system to remove the stress! She might be on to something added health benefits.
Will have more on the LSFALS stile making later after I have researched this further. next your gonna hear How Sandy wants to be Queen of the United States - She might have something.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Hump Day Is Over Rated
Shit I will turn in to Jacklyn a hillbilly. There has to be another way. Got any ideas? I am open to suggestions.
The rice patties are looking pretty good right about now.
Let's Get The day off right
Maybe we should really just become authorities on how to drink your way to a stress free environment! I wonder if there is a call for that? You roll out of bed, try not to hit your face on the end table, make your way to the bathroom. Oh my head hurts a bit from last night so make sure to grab the aspirin! Now do your business, I don't think you need to brush your teeth though all the booze is going to kill anything anyway! LOL!!! Now work your way into the kitchen, don't walk into anything, be in touch with your surroundings, don't touch your surroundings by walking into them! Now pull out your favorite spirit, just the sound of that makes it seem okay doesn't it? Pour a nice stiff cocktail. Now sit back and relax, you deserve it! Let all the stress roll off your shoulders! that's it now you can go about your day and continue with 1 cocktail per hour! This should do fine! LOL Now from all my friends here are their favorite Cocktail Recipes!
Laura
my favorite drink is Kettle, Soda, Lemon, however, if you do a couple of shots of Sambuca that always helps! and lately I have begun drinking Proseca (italian sparkling wine but not champagne) in the morning on Sunday's just to start the day off well... yikes!
Tequila, lots and lots of shots of Tequila. According to Jacklyn if you take a few shots of Tequila and call her later EVERYTHING will be fine!
Bud Light, you can never have to many only to few. Husband pisses you off have a beer, kids piss you off have a beer, relatives piss you off have a beer, utility companies piss you off have a beer! Basically just have a beer!
Cindy
Diet Coke and Rum, yes diet coke gotta watch the calories! Have about 6 of those and you wont give a cap about anything! You can even mix it up a bit, have a cold add some vitamin C drink rum and fruit juice!
Okay back to reality for a little while, have to work on my website and figure out why in the hell no one on this planet is ordering!!!!!!!!!!!!